The Power Of Saying "No"

Are you the nice guy? Because it won't help.

We all saw or were the nice guy. You know, the type of guy that cannot put boundaries. The type of guy who gives his phone to strangers to call their parents and who end up with no phone, a few seconds later. Or the type of guy that tries to please too much their girlfriend and end up getting cheated on. Or the guy who gives all of his money to someone in the street who asks for food, and ends up not being able to pay things to his loved ones.

And, the nice guy is not only this "mental idea" of the guy who sacrifices his life for others through giving money or giving love, it's also the guy who accepts tons of extra work from his boss without setting his boundaries, and who ends up overworking. Or the guy who can't say no to people's opportunities and invitations, and ends up asking for forgiveness for not being able to do this or that a thousand times.

Learn to say NO. "No" is a scary world because it implies you do not accept something that someone else does or offers you, which can become a source of conflict. That's why so many people do not even try to say no, they just want to avoid conflict and go the "easy way out", but they often end up complicating their lives even more, by worsening their "I can't say no" state and by sometimes losing money, time, or opportunities, just for the sake of being nice.

Some people will stay in toxic relationships just because... well... they don't want to put their boundaries clear to their partners, and end the relationship. This would not make them "nice" and this would cause a lot of problems, so it's easier to keep the relationship, even tho it could prove to be very limiting and destructive long-term.

Always remember, saying yes even tho you have the balls to say no is being genuinely interested, but saying yes because you don't have the balls to say no, is being a coward.

Saying no doesn't necessarily mean that you need to be or that it is mean to others. Saying no is simply a sign of setting boundaries and not accepting an invitation, opportunity, or a behavior. And, often times, this "refusal" is linked with conflict, with fighting.

However, it doesn't necessarily have to be linked to conflict and fighting. Saying no is just a natural process of being human, we have desires and sometimes we have the right to say no to other people desires or wants, because it would cause us to be hurt.

Sometimes, we say yes even tho we would prefer saying no to our loved ones so they can do what they want. For example, dads going to shop with their spouse and the kids, even tho they would prefer going to the sports club at this specific hour, because it makes their spouse happy and the kids fulfilled.

So, start by disconnecting or un-conditioning the idea in your mind that saying no = conflict. Saying no is simply setting boundaries. Now sure, this can and often leads to tensions and conflicts, but conflicts are necessary to lead a good life. Else, if you always try to please others, you'll live a very shallow and sad life. So, avoid being a people pleaser. Living for others is hell on earth. Live for yourself.

Saying no preserves energy

Realize that saying no preserves energy. It can help you achieve your goals and by refusing opportunities or invitations, you can spend the time otherwise and therefore into things that truly matters in your eyes. It also instills self-respect, because you learn that you're an individual with boundaries and that you can be respected and listened to. By putting boundaries, and not letting people walk over them, it'll ultimately enable you to respect yourself more.

It's also essential for one's happiness, relaxation and self-growth to say no to people and opportunities. It saves time as I've said before, it builds self-respect as I've mentioned too, but it also helps you develop this skill more and more and it's often great to be able to assert your boundaries, it is relaxing to know that you DO NOT have to run left and right and you can just stop pleasing others for a while to be there for yourself.

Improved relationships

Assertiveness can play a role on social status that is quite important and noticeable. By being more assertive, you'll gain respect of self and also respect from others. You'll understand yourself more with the other person, as both of you will be able to understand each other limits correctly. By installing a climate of setting boundaries, you'll be able to make other people understand how you work, whilst often making them respect you way more.

It gives you, in other words, a better understanding of your own, and other's limits. If your friend says no to your "football watching nights" invitations to work harder on a business project, this will make you probably respect him or her, and understand him or her better than before.

It ultimately improves relationship because it makes people respect you, and you respect yourself more, and everyone respects each other more. And, this leads to each party living a good life, and sometimes even having better social connections.

If you set boundaries with your partner by telling him or her that you prioritize your work over them, this will enable them to understand you better and this will create a climate of mutual respect between the both of you. You can now love each other fully, because you understand each other and have this respectful climate that is needed.

How to say no

Say n, then o. Just like this... "no".

No, for real, don' be a bastard. Be polite. If you refuse someone's invitation to a party for example, don't say "no, forget about it, you're a stupid loser for partying and it's a waste of time, and it'll probably be poop like last time, so goodbye".

Don't say "Hey, I'm so so so so sorry for not being there, I really regret it but I need to get ahead of my work, sorry sorry sorry".

Say, "Hey, thank you for the invitation. I've got tons of work to do, so I might not be able to be there. Still, thank you for the invitation. Have a nice day".

Be polite, be nice, be awesome, but don't be agressive. Be assertive, not agressive.

Now of course if someone asks to touch your wife's ass, here, start calculating and measuring how your fist could fit into his mandible.

But for simple invitations, don't be overly agressive. Don't be agressive at all even. There is a clear distinction between assertiveness, which is putting up your boundaries, like an anti virus, and aggressiveness, which is fighting the virus, being in a conflict and being in the position of attacking.

Also, before concluding, also learn to say yes to some opportunities you would rather skip. You would be shocked to see that a lot of opportunities in life that you decided to say "no" to for some additional work or sleep or sports or whatever, actually prove to have been missed opportunities of great memories and who knows, life changes.

So, sometimes accept. Sometimes accept the restaurant with friends, the trip to the supermarket and the unproductive day at the attraction park. Life is also fun. Be balanced. Work hard and relax well. Tear the muscles and let them repair.

Conclusion

To conclude, assertiveness and being authentic is super important. Be clear about your desires and be honest about your limits, set your boundaries, and be nice and loving with others. That's how you live a good life without getting walked on.

As always, thank you for reading, and keep improving. Bye.

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