Unlocking Real Confidence

Do we even have the same definition of confidence?

According to the Oxford Languages, confidence is "the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something."

Confidence doesn't mean feeling cool. It's having faith in oneself. It's knowing that one can do this and can do that. It's when you look at the tasks of the day and you say "I can knock that stuff down", or it's when you prepare for the competition whilst telling yourself you can do it. This is confidence: belief.

Confidence is therefore based on BELIEF. But belief isn't achieved by superficial means. When people think about confidence, oftentimes they think about the cool car, or the cool watch, they think about looking cool, and even tho looking cool is cool, it's not real confidence.

Real confidence springs from belief and therefore is attached to a deeper, more spiritual or mental link. It's not attached to whether or not you have the new G-Shock or the new iPhone. It's about internal identity and the faith and worth you put in yourself. It's based on self-worth too.

You see, if your self-esteem is low, you don't really believe in yourself. You may think you're too weak or not smart enough to accomplish life's tasks and fight life's challenges. However, if you possess self-worth, a high self-esteem, then it already opens the door to true confidence.

But how to get self-esteem? How to get self-worth? How to get confidence? How to get faith and belief in oneself? Well, the only true way is by real, concrete actions. Let me explain.

Let me explain.

When people try to become more confident, and I'm not saying all people but MOST people, they try to find the easy way out. Just like people who take weight-loss pills to lose weight instead of actually watching their diet or practicing sports more often (blink to one of my acquaintances).

And so, what do you think the easy way out is when you try to become more confident in your life? Is it shouting affirmations in the mirror, or actually doing the thing you need to do? Well, the vast majority of people use option one.

Now don't get me wrong, shouting affirmations in front of the mirror, or imagining yourself accomplishing your goals might work. It might give you a sense of self-esteem and self-worth, even tho oftentimes it's not really long-lasting.

In fact, I even recommend using affirmations or visualizations (visualizing your success or your future self or how you're going to act in a particular social event for example, etc) on top of the "main confidence builder" which I'm about to tell you to totally complete the "confidence formula".

Because yes, to have the total chances in your favor, you need to do everything and test everything, and luckily for you, there's not much to do to feel confident.

In fact, feeling confident is simple in concept, even tho in reality it's a little bit more difficult due to the fact that the actions that will get you to become more confident are quite difficult and oftentimes require much patience.

For example, if you assume that gaining muscle mass and achieving a better physique that you're proud of would increase your confidence, then you also need to take into consideration that it might take a lot of time to achieve this goal. Sure, you might see tangible results in only a few months or in a year, but realistically if you want to get your ultimate dream physique it will take MANY years.

"Okay, you speak a lot but you're not helping me right now! HOW DO I BECOME MORE CONFIDENT!"

Ok, ok, got it. Here is the secret, a very simple truth, a truth that you will maybe not like, and most weak-minded people seeking the easy way out will quit this article and bullshit themselves but true confidence is achieved with actions.

The "main confidence builder" is ACTION.

This is why, according to Alex Hormozi, the best productivity task is just to "do the work". You need to do the work before trying to get any belief. Now sure, some beliefs at first by shouting false stuff in the mirror might help you take action, but more often than not it's just "useless lubrication".

You're lubricating your brain to think you're a strong person and all that kind of stuff, and since it's not true you're not authentic. If you actually used that energy to actually do the work, you would unlock real beliefs which would then push you to more actions which would push you to more beliefs, and all of this would become authentic. You would truly believe it. It would be real and tangible, quantifiable.

For example, if you go to the gym and you're quite skinny, and after a few months you see results. You'll start to feel more muscular. You'll start to unlock belief. Then, the "reward" of results will push you to work harder, or as hard. You will be consistent, which will unlock more beliefs: you're a disciplined person, you're a strong man or woman, you're this and that until you've actually unlocked real confidence.

This is how you unlock REAL confidence. LONG LASTING confidence. It's through undeniable proof.

As Alex Hormozi, famous entrepreneur, investor, and co-owner of the Skool platform said, "You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self-doubt."

As David Goggins, former Navy Seal and triathlon runner said, after reacting to Alex Hormozi's quote in the Chris Williamson Modern Wisdom podcast show, "What works for me, is that everyday resume. The things I know I've accomplished, the things I know I've done, real hard work, the real calluses on my mind the real calluses on my hands"

So if two great men of our time, amongst other thousands who are preaching this message, are telling you that confidence is built in the toil (and if I was you I would trust them since they look to have a lot of experience you and I probably don't have), why continuing to procrastinate and asking yourself why you're not confident?

Also, before moving on, it is important to highlight that for masculine man, confidence is achieved through challenges, whilst for feminine women, confidence is achieved by praise and appreciation. Remember, the priority of the masculine is his mission, and the priority of the feminine is the flow of love in relationship. If a feminine woman is often praised, she will often grow more and more confident. If a masculine man is often challenged, and he wins over those challenges, he will grow more and more confident.

Why you're not confident

Now, you may not be confident for many reasons. Reason number one is that you're procrastinating. Of COURSE, you're not confident when you waste your life away in video games, TV, and pornography. Of course, you're not confident when the last time you've trained was in 2020. Of course, you're not confident when you've been eating junk food every day. Of course, you're not confident when you're not learning anything new and you're staying in your comfort zone.

However, some people have childhood wounds, or simply life's wounds, that affect their self-esteem. Unconciously their self-esteem is hurt because of their past experience, and all they can do is try to compensate by being better. Some go to therapists, some fix their insecurity by working their asses off: it's an individual path that only you will discover.

But as a general rule of thumb, if you're not confident, you're not doing the things you're supposed to do. And this means, you're not giving your fullest gifts in the world, man or woman, masculine or feminine. It's logical.

If you repeat to yourself in the mirror that you're muscular but you're obviously skinny-fat, then you will NEVER believe you're truly muscular. It's not authentic. And if one day you believe you're muscular after thousands of repetitions, congratulations, you've become insane.

An example of this is found in the book Think And Grow Rich. In the book Think And Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill speaks about the power of autosuggestion: suggesting your future success to yourself so your brain makes most of the work. According to him, unconsciously, you can speak with the divine through autosuggestion, so the radiation of thoughts you emit not only get positive thoughts around you but also is transformed through the creative mind and all that stuff.

And funnily enough, when I began reading this book (story time folks), I started believing in that stuff. I went to even make a 30-page resume of this book. To me, this whole new world of possibilities seemed crazy: the book was so well explained and researched it seemed like he was telling the truth.

Basically, the basis of the book is "tell yourself you're rich, repeat this in your mind over and over and over again, and you're gonna become rich because your mind is gonna give you a plan. Trust me it works".

And yes, belief coming from autosuggestion or visualization might help. Yes, "council meetings" like those described in the book might help. Yes, "thinking positive thoughts to attract new positive thoughts" indeed works and does help. However, you need to DO THE WORK. EVEN WITHOUT BELIEF.

People try to shortcut the way to success but success only requires WORK, in EVERY WALK OF LIFE. In your relationship, you need to be present and loving with your woman. In your mental self-esteem, you need to do the actions that will make you feel proud. In your physical health, you need to eat a good diet and sleep well.

Imagine how autistic someone would seem if he or she just told himself "I am healthy, I am healthy" over and over again whilst eating McDonald's. It would seem absurd, wouldn't it seem? Then why are you probably doing the same thing?

By the way, before moving on to the conclusion, what is funny in all of this is that Napoleon Hill, the author of Think And Grow Rich, said in his book that he met with Andrew Carnegie. There is ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF that he did. He is now found as one of the biggest scammers of his time for a lot more reasons. On top of that, he said he had an interview with the devil. Of course, we all believe you, Napoleon. Let's just go to the doctor, shall we?

CONCLUSION

Unlocking real confidence is a long process that requires hard work, consistency, and discipline. Real confidence is unlocked through the hard work you produce, and not always the results. Now sure, getting the results with your work always proves to boost your confidence, but just working hard on meaningful tasks is already a good way to unlock self-esteem and confidence.

The best is when this practice of just doing the work is mixed with the practice of visualization and affirmations. If everything is in your favor, then it's way easier to feel confident. Using all the tools you have at your disposal, you make more progress in this way.

However, remember to always prioritize doing the work. You might build a new identity of someone who's strong, wise, and hard-working, but if you're not backing it up with proof, not only will it disappear through time, but it might not appear to be an authentic identity in the first place.

And trust me, life just feels way better when you're authentic than when you're acting like someone else or trying to "act cool" by adopting ridiculous mannerisms (speaking from experience), and you'll get better results anyway.

As always thank you for reading. Your actionable step for today is to do a hard work task. I want you to complete it before tonight, and if you read this at night, then put it to tomorrow. If you fail to do so, promise to give 50 euros to the association of your choice. Your hard work task could be working on your business, going to jog, or eating clean foods for example.

Alright, that's all for me today. I'll see you next time.

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